Happy Campers....

"Lee has been an incredible mentor, coach & friend to me for almost 6 months now and I have no intention of stopping our sessions. He has a deep, spiritual wisdom which he has seemingly settled into after many years of navigating various life experiences (good, bad & ugly). Lee carries an extensive toolkit containing exercises, techniques and advice which he draws upon when the tool is right for the job and the timing of its use is appropriate.

A great thing about working with Lee is his deep connection to himself - sessions don't tend to be planned and instead Lee uses his intuition to work with whatever is coming up in the moment, for me this means that I always get value out of the sessions.

One more thing - I don't think I've ever felt like there's anything I CAN'T say to Lee. Our conversations are held in a space where anything and everything is on the table. There's a deep acceptance, compassion and appreciation on both sides. It's a pleasure to connect and discuss life's big topics regularly.

I found myself in what I would probably classify as a 'Dark Night of the Soul' period in my life following some major life changes. I sought out a coach that could help guide me through an extremely challenging time in my life and I am so so grateful that I found Lee. I'm still not out of the woods entirely but I'm well on my way and Lee has been an integral part of the journey.

OK, one more thing - If you want to work with a down-to-earth coach who appreciates the complexities & difficulties of modern living, the nuances & contradictions of life that we all wrestle with and who also has a particular interest in authenticity, eastern wisdom and walking a path that is 100% YOU - Lee is your guy." -- Google 5* Review

"I contacted Lee six months ago as I was about to make a big choice to leave my job and change my life. I wanted help from someone who was not invested in my life in any way, and thus could objectively support and challenge me as I powered through that change. I hadn’t expected to enjoy the process quite so much, or to get from Lee so much more than I’d bargained for. Do not be fooled into thinking that coaching with Lee will simply examine the practical mechanics of your life. He has got me to deeply scrutinise the how, the what, and the why of who I am with searing yet playful courage and honesty. With lightness, a sprinkling of humour, infectious enthusiasm, and beautiful spirituality, Lee creates a clear, quiet space that accepts and queries what you will unpack together. His incisiveness has often left me gasping/laughing at the eye-opening revelations about myself. I am learning to become who I am and fully inhabit an amazing life for myself, and I am deeply grateful & happy that I chose to invest in this work." Consultant & Entreprenuer, Bristol

"Thank you for the wonderful session today. I really feel such important shifts in my life, your guidance and support have been phenomenal." Unhappy wife, London

"Lee is a perceptive and non-judgemental listener with the ability to understand quickly and easily the core issues that need to be addressed. His techniques enable one to really look inside oneself and remove blockers that prevent progress. Powerful stuff!" Solicitor, Finchley

"My thankyou was heartfelt Lee. Our work together has helped me to think differently and get me through a very difficult period in my life. Thank you. You have a special gift. Speak soon." Food Entrepreneur, Hertford

"When I first met with lee I did not really know what to expect. I had lots of questions about life in general and was struggling with some issues. After several sessions I now feel more clarity and focus. The work is not done yet but I look forward to our sessions together with excitement. Lee is a good listener and will choose his replys to questions wisely helping you to gain another perspective. I would defiantly recommend to anyone who has the courage to look for more from life. Thanks lee." Electrician, North London

"I knew immediately that I had found someone with a depth of wisdom, warmth and compassion who would not hesitate to put the challenging questions but who would also be there to encourage and support me. I am now able to see the path ahead with much greater clarity and I KNOW it's the right one!" Private School Head Teacher, London Docklands

"Coaching helps you learn about yourself and feel the better for it, Lee is highly professional and always puts your best interests first." Business Analyst, Notting Hill

"I am so glad I am doing this. I am so glad I am doing this with you. I am so proud of myself that I am taking action." Global IT Manager, Melbourne, Australia
"So Lee, I say a big thank you for our time together. I really have enjoyed it and you have given me plenty to think about over the past few months. In many ways I believe you helped steer me towards realising what it is that I am meant to be doing. You're an incrediby interesting person and I have learnt a lot from your outlook - it has been refreshing to say the least!" Lawyer, Moorgate

"I am enormously grateful for the way in which you have helped me to break through some of the blockages in my life and for the sound advice you have provided through a challenging yet exciting period. I also hope to see you at the opening of my bar next year! " Investment Banker, City

"Thanks for your great support! It is helpful and skilful. Look forward - as ever - to next meeting." Health services entrepreneur, East London

"Thank you for all your help and support over the last few months it has been great to work with you" NHS Trust Senior Executive, Hertfordshire

"The most valuable thing you have given me is perspective - a realisation that wellbeing comprises simultaneously satisfying a number of needs, and there is really no point over-focussing. Trite of course, and I knew that already, but you have really deepened my understanding of this truth. But the best thing of all: the belief that anything is possible. We are limited only by our own minds. Fantastic!" Senior Lawfirm Partner, Westminster

"'I found Lee a joy to work with, gently leading you down a fascinating path of self-discovery towards an answer or solution you were looking for, but may not have found on your own. I can recommend him highly." Hedge Fund Manager, Chelsea

"I think I was very fortunate to try your web-site first when I was looking for a life coach. I have found your guidance to be objective and uncomplicated, and you have always provided me with much needed focus. You look as though you have been eating light bulbs!" IT Professional, London Docklands

"As at now, about six months after engaging in this coaching process, I feel good, and that I have made amazing progress in discovering/digging out who I am. The validation I get out of work is being replaced by the joy of honouring my values – I get more and more fulfilled by the joy of being a loving and caring, person." VP Marketing and Development, North London

"I got some quality time to relax and think about everything... I'm still really excited about all the work we did last year." Technology Entrepreneur, Islington

"Working with Lee helped me focus where I want to go next in my life. The programme is well structured and allows achieving goals within the time frame. Lee is engaging and obviously enjoys what he is doing. Great stuff!" Oncology Consultant, Muswell Hill

"I contacted Lee when I realised the changes I needed in my life and myself were too daunting to manage on my own. Lee helped me through a journey of self discovery. I felt empowered all the way in the knowledge that Lee wasn't judging me or finding answers for me. I have resurfaced 'the real me' that had been hidden for years and am facing the new year full of ambition and determination." Management Consultant, St. Albans

"I felt very confused about which direction to take in life. Lee didn't tell me what the right answer was. What he did was to teach me the tools to realise what the possibilities were for me and then focus on the ones which really suited me. Thanks" Dental Surgeon, Farringdon

"When I first got in touch with you I was just looking for some help in getting promoted and making the best of a career I wasn't really happy with. You've helped me understand what it is I truly value in life, to rediscover my creativity and to start to believe that, instead of making the best of a joyless career, I can change direction and realise my dreams. It's been brilliant working with you". Partner Big 5 Consultancy, City of London

... and so on...

Main Menu

7 minutes reading time (1390 words)

Does being a victim help you?

Does Playing the Victim Ruin Your Life?

"If only... If only..."

As a coach I often get to work with people in a space of deep honesty. Together we take a good look at a client's life situation and their relationship to that situation. We gain insights into their truest feelings (not the roles that veneer the feelings). We then go on to reveal the behaviours and choices that they are making to hold themselves in their broken life situation.

I have grown to realise that many people have an active and strong victim personality. This personality doesn't do any favours and deserves special attention. You may know that you play a victim role in your own life or very likely you know somebody who is plays the victim. I hope this article sheds some light on the way that playing the victim can lead to a crappy life situation. If you can see these behaviours at play then you may be able to choose a different way of being. As a life coach I can help you do that.

Being a victim is an illusion. It makes you feel crappy. The victim has a need for unhappiness and will find daily or hourly reasons to maintain its state of unhappiness.

Can the victim within you say what a beautiful day this is?

Personal Power

We could describe our current state of affairs as our "life situation". When you play the victim you say you are not to blame for your life situation. You say you are not responsible. Well who is then? Other people? Where is your personal power?

When you say you are not responsible aren't you really saying that someone else has more power over your life than you do? You have effectively given your power away to others. This is the illusion – every choice you have ever made has got you where you are right now. You have always been in power. The victim character will have you believe otherwise.

Let me shed some light on this victim dynamic...

When you give away your sense of power it makes you feel narrow, closed, contracted – downright yucky. Is that how you want to feel day in day out? The victim character creates the illusion of powerlessness. The victim deploys a vicious cycle in your day. It drains your energy, leading to a greater sense of powerlessness. You develop a limp flaccid relationship with life. Your movie is dull. When you lose your power then what of your dreams, your deepest aspirations? Taking it to its natural conclusion -- dreams are only things that other people have.

When you kid yourself that you do not have choices you are weak and incapable. You are smaller. If you keep playing the victim you get smaller and smaller. You then allow others to come out on top which you then use to prove to yourself how small you really are.

Perhaps you can see how the victim character has got you into your own life situation? How the victim has caused your life-movie to shape up in a certain way? Can you see how the victim character has given your power away.

Perhaps you know someone who plays the victim. What can you observe about the way their life is evolving?

Getting Attention

Sometimes a victim character has developed as a way to get love, sympathy or attention from others. This often happens in a relationship where other people are of a "Can't stand to see others suffer" flavour. Your victim character will detect their pity trait and seize the opportunity to get attention where it might normally have been absent. The victim character simply turns on the woe-is-me and love and sympathy come flowing in. It likes to be loved. Sometimes friendships form where most of the relating is of the form "My life sucks and I am going to tell you all about it" and "Oh I pity you and I will listen to you". Maybe you are a pitier and you have friends that do that to you? Maybe they never ask you how you are and you are sick of hearing their story? People get bored of victims eventually.

Of course not everybody will have pity on a victim. The victim has a good strategy to deal with that one as well, it simply labels them as insensitive or uncaring people... further bolstering its victimhood. The victim augments its life sapping needs, while ruining your day. Quite a cunning character this victim hey!

There is another twist in the ways of the attention-getting victim. It has found a way to bolster your self-worth! By getting attention, it demonstrates that others care for you... So you must be worth something after all -- Perhaps compensating for the crappy feeling that results from giving your power away. What a terrorist the victim character is.

If you have a victim character can you see how it uses its unhappiness to get attention? If you know a victim don't pity them, just know that you cannot create their happiness for them! That is their job – when they choose.

Manipulating Friends and Loved Ones
The victim character can use its quest for attention in more devious ways. It can manipulate, control and abuse others to get what it/you needs. Some people think that they are responsible for the health, happiness or success of others. Truth is as an individual it is only you who is ultimately responsible for your happiness, health and success. A person can feign being a victim to prey on the pity of others. Maybe the victim isn't actually victimised, maybe it is just a ruse to get attention. The manipulations here can become complex and covert.

Victims are often angry and frustrated. If you have a victim character can you see how it has manipulated other people, including those that you love? If you look at the facts of a victim's life-situation you may see that the victim role is not credible. Perhaps you know a victim?

What kind of person wants to relate to someone who is angry resentful or frustrated much of the time? Another victim? Eventually a victim will keep other people away. It will remove you from the warm love of life. But maybe you liked that. Maybe it is time to change?

The Opposite of the Victim

Choice versus victimhood is a subject that is often explored in a life coaching relationship. Whenever a client expresses a powerlessness over their current life situation then we can suspect the presence of a victim character. Your victim character can be neutralised by taking 100% responsibility for your choices and actions. I can help you through this transformation. This responsibility will put you back in power. When you have choice, your life horizon is expansive.

What is the opposite of playing the victim? Vitality and control.

Take up the challenge of choosing to not play the victim today! Perhaps a few sessions with Great Life Coach can pave the way to enjoying a brilliant year.

Go well

Lee

Working with Great Life Coach

Life coaching and the unique pastoral role that coaches play has really evolved over the past decade. A few years back people were looking for hand holding and structure, but now my sessions are much more dynamic... and fun! Let's work together to transform your life situation.

I now have many clients who use our monthly coaching session to take stock of their lives, to gain perspectives and to feel supported in the choices and transformations that they are committed to making. After all, life is too short to flounder around trying to be somebody else.

Many of my clients are hard working, productive, intelligent capable people living full-lives. They are in-tune with their growth and are always interested in strategies to be more purposeful, passionate and peaceful. They use our life coaching relationship as an effective, challenging, positive way to deal with life's dips, lulls, uncertainties and energy drains.

If you think you are a victim or not, whether your focus is Career, relationship or spiritual, I can help you. Together we evolve juicy strategies to continue feeling worthy and alive. I partner with intelligent people who want to excel at their passions, gifts and talents in a way that brings them success, life balance and happiness. Make an enquiry right now by clicking the link at the top of this page or call 0845 402 1850.


 

0
Embrace your Vulnerability and your Power
Summer Holiday Career Change

Related Posts

 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Friday, 22 March 2019

Google Reviews...

google 5star coach1- Thank you very much for your good work Lee. Thanks to our sessions I've been able to design a good plan for my next project. It's been lovely to be able to talk to you without being judged, really openly.
google 5star coach2- Lee truly guided me on to the right path. I was stuck, frustrated, unsure of where to turn. I saw Lee once a month for just over a year, and i can honestly say this was the best decision i've ever made. Thank you again Lee!
google 5star coach3- I am so thankful for my time with Lee, he is so kind and full of positive energy. Lee helped me through a difficult transitional period in my life and acted as a guide, shedding light on what I really wanted and gave me a new perspective on how to gain it. His energy, inspirational attitude and deep care for others is uplifting and contagious but what's more is that he's completely authentic and genuine, making him an incredible Life Coach.
google 5star coach4- Lee is an amazing life coach with wisdom and strength.  The little time spent with lee has had a great impact on my life without doubt !  When balance isn't in your life then lee is the man to help you find this.  He is a strong hand to hold when when life is uncertain and fear holds you back!
google 5star coach6- I was feeling a bit stuck in life and decided to do some life coaching.  Lee was superb.  He helped me identify where I want to be, why I'm not there at the moment, and how to get myself going in the right direction.  Life has already changed considerably since working with him.  A lovely man and a great coach!
google 5star coach7- I met Lee at a point in my life when I was dealing with significant change.  I needed someone who could help me approach my choices in a systematic and holistic way, and he has done that.  He has an approach that is different and fresh, and an ability to adapt that style to meet my particular needs.  He has helped me confront many issues and get onto a better life path.
google 5star coach8- I have been working with Lee for over 3 years. I had reached a particular crossroads in life and working with him has enabled me to reach a good place. The coaching has made such a positive difference. Left to my own devices I might have advanced my self-knowledge a little but nothing to the degree of insight that I have been able to develop with Lee. In fact, without such insight, I don't know which direction my life might now be taking. Now I do, and the journey has been wonderful. Looking back I can say that this has been the best thing I have spent money on because it has been an investment in myself.
google 5star coach9- I contacted Lee six months ago as I was about to make a big choice to leave my job and change my life. I wanted help from someone who was not invested in my life in any way, and thus could objectively support and challenge me as I powered through that change. I hadn’t expected to enjoy the process quite so much, or to get from Lee so much more than I’d bargained for. Do not be fooled into thinking that coaching with Lee will simply examine the practical mechanics of your life. He has got me to deeply scrutinise the how, the what, and the why of who I am with searing yet playful courage and honesty. With lightness, a sprinkling of humour, infectious enthusiasm, and beautiful spirituality, Lee creates a clear, quiet space that accepts and queries what you will unpack together. His incisiveness has often left me gasping/laughing/both at the eye-opening revelations about myself. I am learning to become who I am and fully inhabit an amazing life for myself, and I am deeply grateful & happy that I chose to invest in this work.
google 5star coach10- I have been working with Lee for a number of months now, and his support has been very important to me, as I attempt to rationalise recent life experiences and move forward to a happier, positive future. I look forward to our sessions and under his guidance have explored why I have felt unhappy in the past, and identify what I must do to become the person I want to be. Lee is hugely experienced and very empathetic, but he will also tell you some home truths when needed. Everyone at a crossroads in their life could benefit from his approach. He comes highly recommended!
google 5star coach11- I decided to start the life coaching sessions with Lee when I moved to London earlier last year. I seemed to have a perfect life but I know it's not what I wanted. Lee helped me to make smarter decisions when facing the crossroad, and to look inside myself to live the life I really wanted. I would recommend him to everyone who wants to make a change and live the life to the fullest.Thank you Lee!
google 5star coach13- Lee is a wise and thoughtful person to speak with and has some great tips on how to really find your passion in life. I really enjoyed his company and found his words a great guide for helping me to find my true and best path in life.
google 5star coach14- I decided to have Life Coaching with Lee last year as I felt I had hit a crossroads.  Although I knew I had the all the answers myself, I needed some direction to help me pull the answers from within! Lee started with some simple exercises to get me thinking about what my true 'Rachelness' wanted from life and then we took it from there.  During this journey, I'll be honest I did resent Lee on occasion, but this was because he was making me face my insecurities and that can be uncomfortable (really it was myself I was resenting).  Lee makes it very easy for you to talk openly about how the process is making you feel and is an extremely kind man.  I have made some big changes since last year, I've moved to the seaside, found a partner who loves the outdoors as much as me and sorted out some long standing health issues! I feel GREAT! Thank you Lee you helped me release my inner self :)
google 5star coach12- I've worked with Lee for the last two months in an effort to bring some harmony back to my personal and professional life. Lee's background in business, as well as his spiritual side has helped greatly with practical advice while also providing a framework to re-focus my energy on the things in life that are important to me...I'm looking forward to continuing to build on the success so far - well worth the investment!
google 5star coach15- Lee is a very special and talented individual who I am really pleased to have 'worked' with. I decided to have life coaching as I felt I was at an important age to be making some directional choices for my career - I had dabbled in a second career (my own business) on and off for a couple of years but just couldn't decide if I should take the full plunge into this career choice or not. Working with Lee, we set about finding out what my true values are and how this career choice might (or might not) serve them. Of course, along the way I learnt much much more than this. I can say with absolute certainty this work was one of the most important investments of my time and money in my grand old 28 years of life. Lee is not a magician and you need to dedicate time and energy into 'homework' if you're serious about self-realisation, Lee can guide you but it's you that has to do the work. I was very very busy throughout the most part of our time together but part of the magic of coaching is that you become answerable to somebody else and you have set deadlines (which you'll set yourself). Often when I look back at my coaching I realise that there's never a 'good time' for life coaching, you need to MAKE time before you LOSE time. Like all good enablers, Lee worked to make himself eventually redundant to me (for now) and I've come away with a clear career direction and a better understanding of myself. I'm on a long old mountain climb to fulfilling my business dream but I'm already 10 times higher up the mountain than I would have been without my coaching with Lee. It's not easier work but I now know I'm choosing the correct path and I'm super confident I'll get there or die trying!
google 5star coach2- Lee helped me when I was facing a true crisis of spirit. There are certain instances from our coaching sessions which will forever be engrained as a positive marker in my mind- serving me in recalling the importance of following the path. Thank you Lee.
google 5star coach14- Thanks to Lee's methods I made some decitions that brought me to a healthier, happier and more relaxing place. I could make a decition that it was dificult for me to make and I did it feeling very confident and with the tranquility that everything will be fine. I could see what is good for me, what my needs are and I am happy to be able to make my own decitions. Lee guides you towards those things that make you feel better. You get to know yourself very deeply. It is a very interesting process and I want more of it. :) Thanks to Lee I know now what is the mountain that I want to climb and that It is important to expres oneself on time according to your feelings and thoughts. Thank you!
google 5star coach11- I've been one of Lee's clients for about three years now and he's helped me make massive strides forward, changing a career that was draining my energy and helping to focus on what I love doing in life.  He's great fun and refreshing to work with (especially when you feel tired and trapped) but he's also good at tough love too!  Highly highly recommended!
google 5star coach8- I have been a life coach client of Lee for nearly two years and I love working with him. He has helped me to be the true me and move towards my ambition of living at peace with myself and everyone else. Wherever you are in your life journey, Lee can help you move forwards and upwards. All you need to take with you to your sessions is openess and willingness. I can't recommend him enough.
google 5star coach3- I came to Lee with a specific agenda. I knew I wasn't happy on the inside and I knew that I had wanted (and needed) to do things differently. Lee provided a thought provoking framework and path forward. Out of those thoughts great things have occurred. We then moved into a period of action which still hurtles forward today and in a direction I am totally rapt with. Lee is now a valuable and trusted member of my team. Don't think about it any longer - just try it for yourself.