I sat on the sofa zoning out at a silenced TV. I was hating myself.
I felt so useless.
Years of university study, a great career, a new business and friends who look at me as a creative visionary… and downstairs my wife and children utterly dependent on me to provide a home, food and security. Dependent on me also to be the shining light to lead them into a life of love, experiences, and joy…
The slope felt slippery, I was failing. I was a failure. I was a FAILED MAN.
I felt enslaved by my business.
My confidence was draining, and so was my bank account.
All around me “average” men were succeeding, they lacked vision, creativity, and penetrating drive. BUT they were holding the show together. They were creating the happy home that I craved.
Their success only endorsed my sense of man-failure.
I was capable, well educated, but my spark was extinguished.
I had it all, creativity, vision, drive... A warm personable nature. But I felt miserable and dead inside. I DESPERATELY needed the spark to turn this situation around; to become a kindly-King once again and to reclaim my inner throne.
I had never felt so vulnerable.
Many men have variants of these feelings.
In my work as a Life Coach it is a great privilege to work so deeply with Men. Our dialogues often explore the nuances of a man’s power and his vulnerability. A happy man must be able to embrace both polarities of his power and vulnerability.
Let’s look at the narratives that surround these two ways of being for a man…
Men need help. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. More men kill themselves than are killed by heart disease, traffic accidents and cancer.
In EVERY man is a vulnerability or a fear of failure. There are few places in life where men can open to explore their relationship to that vulnerability. I have worked with thousands of men, it is a privilege to sit with a man and have him tenderly share his vulnerabilities. It always fascinates me that that behind the “weakness” is a powerful desire to serve, provide and protect his loved ones. But many men don't feel like they can talk about their problems and reach out for help and when they do need help where do they go? Can you name a men's resource centre off the top of your head?
Men speak of 'taking it like a man', 'manning up', 'never crying', 'growing balls' and the list goes on. From the moment they are told to play with cars and avoid pink, there is an immense amount of pressure on men to act a certain way in society, to not be vulnerable. Vulnerability is seen as weak, and what happens when men appear weak? Men speak of feeling shitty, losing respect at work and among their family and peers. But where can you go for support when you feel that way?
Women are the victims in society, the ones who need support, help and holding, right? Our culture teaches women to find men who can hold them, help them, support them. So, what happens when their man can't? Well, the statistics say that men are killing themselves at three times the rate women are.
Where are the tools, the resources, the support in our society? Men are being crushed to always provide and never cry. Sadly also, because men have abused their power through countless generations, women find it very hard to hold space for their vulnerable men. Women start to run stories of being unsupported of hanging out with weeny-men. (If you are one of those women I can help you too!) But men, where to go for help?
Man, it is okay to fail, it is okay to talk, to express emotion, to open up, to break the conditioned man-rules. Holding a compassionate space, I can help Men dance with their vulnerabilities and reconnect with their power; and power doesn’t mean ways to overcome women. It means becoming more balanced, sovereign and evolved.
Life is calling us to move into an era of more masculine and feminine balance, where we are all safe to express our truths. By addressing our conditioning, we can heal and become more emotionally balanced, ultimately this will result in less negative expressions of the unbalanced masculine, less men killing themselves.
Is yours a life of moaning about the state of the Planet yet you do nothing to change it?
A man who walks boldly into his life, towards the cliff edge of uncertainty, must do so with total trust and faith. I have learned that both trust and faith can be found in the heart. Sadly, many men don’t dare consider their hearts, they choose to live life from their heads. Fuelled by the baggage of the past, it is our head that originates and exacerbates our fears. I have seen that deep in our heart is a knowingness that we are fundamentally safe and protected by life.
When we go through processes to leave our baggage behind, we can walk into the future brighter and clearer. When we let go of the past we can create a different future, and be open to new and exciting possibilities. Life coaching can help you with that process, it can help you to step into your power. Let us go on a journey together to help you reclaim your inner power.
When we are engaged with our power we are unafraid to speak our truth, regardless of the consequences. We can walk our path, regardless of what others think of us. Our intuition and inner guidance show us the way. Let me show you how to engage with your integrity, your courage, your voice.
How many men do you know who are standing paralysed at the edge of their dreams, desperate to trust life and jump but terrified of what may, or may not happen? It is fear that holds us back from our power.
Over the past 14 years I have seen that there is no easy way to face your fear. Your fears are your shadow side that gives a voice to worthlessness, ensuring that you remain small and pathetic. I have created a process that can help you identify the fears that keep you small. The process allows us to become conscious of all the negative behaviours and beliefs that are holding you back. It allows you to embrace and acknowledge the ways that you disempower yourself.
Hey man, don’t be held back by the past losses and failures, that keep you stagnating and stuck. Know that your heart can naturally lead you to the right people and situations so that you can fulfil your goals and dreams.
This week try being unapologetic and unashamed of who you are and the path you are walking. Stand tall and celebrate You.
Life wants you to thrive. Trust that.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
Do it now.
Your misery, your cold unlit darkness serves no one.
My clients come from all walks of life and all corners of the globe. They are productive and capable people living full-lives. They are in-tune with their growth and are always interested in strategies to be more peaceful. If you are interested in bringing more peace into your life, I can help you. Together we will evolve juicy strategies to have you feel more peaceful, transformed and alive.
Do get in touch for a confidential initial consultation to see if I can help you return to inner happiness that is your birthright. Call me on 0845 402 1850 or email or to learn more about life coaching.
Many thanks for the image by h.koppdelaney, Flickr CC